Few Valley personalities make us dry heave like Guy Kawasaki. If you’re not familiar with him, he is the perpetually shit-eating grin wearing Tony Robbins of tech. If you doubt his credentials as a total toolbox, he is widely credited with inventing the concept of “corporate evangelism”…a nice-sounding description for what is essentially a bunch of assholes who try to convince you how awesome their product is. This is also known as “marketing”. But it takes a special person to come along and turn the already shady business of marketing into something even more vomit-inducing.
The worst part about Guy Kawasaki is not his crappy new startup. It’s not even the fact that he foisted something as criminal as the concept of corporate evangelism on the world. No, the worst part about Guy is his cringe-worthy personal website.
Here are the four elements of his site that really make us want to put our heads in the oven:
#1: You can tell in this photo just how highly Guy regards himself. All that’s missing from this fluffy pic is a glowing halo around his head and a shaft of light beaming down from the sky. And the worst part about this picture is that you can tell he is totally inhaling his own fart and loving it. Just look at that smile! Breathe it in, Guy…
#2: You’re not Mother Teresa. You’re not Gandhi. You’re not even Steve Jobs. You’re not changing the world.
#3: You aren’t changing the world, but you definitely are pumping your own cruft. Buy my book! Buy a ticket and come see me talk in person this Friday at the Alameda County Fair, with an encore performance Saturday at the Ruby on Rails meetup in south Fremont! I’ll teach you how to drive your competition crazy!(TM)
#4: “Guy’s Golden Touch”. Wow. Fucking King Midas himself. This caption does go perfectly with the retarded Christian album cover pic, though.
Guy is truly a worthy recepient of the first official TechDumpster Toolbox Profile, just on the merits of his website alone. We’ll save the discussion about his DOA startup Truemors for another day (soon).
